Well, sort of.
Like everything else, the psychopath also mirrored your deepest sexual desires. That’s why it felt so incredibly passionate and flawless when you were together—and that’s why it feels like rape during the identity erosion. Because the psychopath does not, in fact, share your most intimate fantasies. Instead, they’ve been observing and tailoring their behavior to match yours. It’s shocking when you realize this, because you come to understand that they never felt the emotional and spiritual pleasure that you felt. While you were at your most vulnerable, they were simply watching and learning.
You find yourself in a desperate situation, needing their sexual approval and flattery to feel attractive. They use this to control their targets. They pull away in order to make you seem des-perate, needy, and slutty. In the idealize phase, they couldn’t get enough of you. But once they have you hooked, they begin to play mind games. They withhold sex, redefining it as a privilege that they hold the key to.
When you’re lying next to them in bed, you can practically feel them waiting for you to make the next move. They’re ready to mock you—to make you feel unnatural and sex-crazed. They will laugh at you, insulting you with jokes that aren’t even remotely funny. The passionate sex you remember has been replaced by a game. A competition.
They will make you feel ugly by announcing that their sex drive is lower than ever—that they haven’t even had sexual thoughts in weeks. The implication is clear: they haven’t thought about you in weeks.
And then, when the triangulation begins, you find it impossible to believe that they could have such a great sex life with anyone else. How could they? You seemed like physical soul mates. They liked all of the same things as you. But remember, it was manufactured. If you loved something in the bedroom, the psychopath quickly picked up on that in the grooming phase. They’ll pick up on something else entirely for their next victim.
Sex with a psychopath is no different than rape. You unknowingly formed a chemical bond with a con artist. Your consent was based on a lie. So many survivors blame themselves because they couldn’t get past the sexual addition, keeping them bonded to their abuser. But it’s not your fault. You were tricked into feeling an overwhelmingly strong attachment during the grooming phase. And then they manipulated that—toying with the toxic addiction firing through your body.
You will reclaim your sexual freedom, and that is a promise. We have an open and honest dialog about sex at PsychopathFree.com. It is a hugely important part of the psychopathic relationship cycle, and more importantly—it plays an essential role in your own healing process. Recovery is a joint effort of the mind and body.