Well, sort of.
Like everything else, the psychopath also mirrored your deepest sexual desires. Thatís why it felt so incredibly passionate and flawless when you were togetheróand thatís why it feels like rape during the identity erosion. Because the psychopath does not, in fact, share your most intimate fantasies. Instead, heís been observing and tailoring his behavior to match yours. Itís shocking when you realize this, because you come to understand that he never felt the emotional and spiritual pleasure that you felt. While you were at your most vulnerable, he was simply watching & learning.
You find yourself in a desperate situation, needing his sexual approval and flattery to feel attractive. He uses this to control his targets. He pulls away in order to make you seem desperate, needy, and slutty. In the idealize phase, he couldnít get enough of you. But once he has you hooked, he begins to play mind games. He withholds sex, redefining it as a privilege that he holds the keys to.
When youíre lying next to him in bed, you can practically feel him waiting for you to make the next move. Heís ready to mock youóto make you feel unnatural and sex-crazed. He will laugh at you, insulting you with jokes that arenít even remotely funny. The passionate sex you remember has been replaced by a game. A competition.
He will make you feel ugly by announcing that his sex drive is lower than everóthat he hasnít even had sexual thoughts in weeks. The implication is clear: he hasnít thought about you in weeks.
And then, when the triangulation begins, you find it impossible to believe that he could have such a great sex life with anyone else. How could he? You seemed like physical soul mates. He liked all of the same things as you. But remember, it was manufactured. If you loved something in the bedroom, the psychopath quickly picked up on that in the grooming phase. Heíll pick up on something else entirely for his next victim.
Sex with a psychopath is no different than rape. You unknowingly formed a chemical bond with a con artist. Your consent was based on a lie. So many survivors blame themselves because they couldnít get past the sexual addition, keeping them bonded to their abuser. But itís not your fault. You were tricked into feeling an overwhelmingly strong attachment during the grooming phase. And then he manipulates thatótoying with the toxic addiction firing through your body.
You will reclaim your sexual freedom, and that is a promise. We have an open and honest dialog about sex here at PsychopathFree.com. It is a hugely important part of the psychopathic relationship cycle, and more importantlyóit plays an essential role in your own healing process. Recovery is a joint effort of the mind and body.