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No Contact Is All About You! Cut Out Energy Drainers, Manipulators, and Toxic People

I had the mindset of finding a hero. Someone who would protect me, even from myself. I spent my life looking outward for such a person. Little did I know...

  1. PhoenixFire
    Hello Fellow Survivors and Warriors!!

    In light of the influx of posts about breaking No Contact, wanting to break NC, not being emotionally equipped to go NC, etc. I have felt some intense emotions. I've wanted to post on every one of those threads and say how capable each and every one of you are to go NC and stay NC. I've wanted to say that to break NC will never ease the pain or provide one with healing closure. That each time the P/N/S hoovers it's a stab in the heart, even when you don't reply. It's a reminder of what we thought was, and what we know is.

    The same strength and courage it took to finally say "ENOUGH!" and decide to not return to the relationship, is the same strength and courage you can use to keep yourself safe and away from harm's way. To do that starts with No Contact. No Contact isn't about them anymore. It isn't about giving them silent treatment or punishing them for their behavior. It isn't about them at all. It is ALL about You. Your safety. Your sanity. Your peace of mind. Your healing. It is finally saying to yourself, "I AM WORTH PROTECTING!"

    You may never have had to be your own hero before. Having grown up in an abusive family dynamic, I know I had the mindset of finding a hero. Someone who would protect me, even from myself. I spent my life looking outward for such a person. Little did I know that the hero I was looking for was within me the whole time. I believe each of us are fully capable of being our own heroes. We don't need to fight against the P's to be one either. We just need to turn, walk away, and keep moving in a direction away from them.

    "Breaking NC only harms me." That is something I tell myself over and over, with each hoovering attempt. And, even 16 months out he still hoovers. Anything I have to say to him I write in my journal. For one thing it does just about as good as it would actually saying anything to him---in one ear and out the other. For another, it helps me with my own frustration and anger that he feels its OK to bug me. All the knowing in the world about what he is doesn't prevent me from having an emotional reaction to him...yet. I'm still working towards 100% indifference. Though I am indifferent to whatever BS he spews.

    What I won't allow him to do anymore is hurt me. And I won't be a party to hurting myself. This is how I am being a hero to myself. It is what I want for all of you, here, fighting to regain yourselves and your life. That IS a fight worth championing. Do whatever it takes to take back your life!! In that way you will find out just how strong and courageous and resilient you truly are!! Just being here on PF shows that you are a fighter. Now take it one step further and stand your ground and vow NO MORE and maintain No Contact. In this way, and only in this way, will you find your healing taking you forward in ways you never thought possible.

    :h: :h: :h:

Article Author: PhoenixFire