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Revenge

Discussion in 'Relationship Abuse Recovery' started by Wakeup, Jun 26, 2012.

  1. Wakeup

    Wakeup Inactive Inactive

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    The need for revenge aka justice is a normal feeling. Bringing things back in balance is an element of all creation, it seems. This feeling for revenge has been a tough one for me.

    There is much wisdom in the sayings "Revenge is best served cold" and "Revenge is mine sayeth the Lord". TVpeople made the point in another thread that to hold our own we must learn to give Ps nothing, none of our energy. I found that the desire for revenge, now in my later years after much battle in the P monopolized world, motivates me to behave in the way TVpeople suggests even when I have no hope of personal justice with a particular P (past Ps, particularly before I knew what was going on) so as to be strengthened when forced to deal with them now (because this is MY family and I ain't running); also knowing I'm not effective at all if I get my buttons pushed so learning what those buttons are, processing quickly when they are pushed and biding my time until the right moment arrives and it always has when a small subtle move or awareness on my part changes the direction a P intended ("served cold"). And I think we work with the Divine whether we know it or not (no offense meant to the non-believers here), and I have found a benevolent force that works with me -- that's the best way I can describe it.

    I don't mean for this post to be interpreted in any way as going against NCEA. This is for when you can't for whatever reason break contact yet.

    So I guess what I'm saying is: Consider enlarging your viewpoint of revenge to include these ideas above. It's worked for me so far.
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2012
  2. Smitten Kitten

    Smitten Kitten Administrator

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    I had a lot of revenge thoughts in the aftermath of the discard, especially during the anger stage, which comes and goes. I wanted him to PAY! But besides being futile and more damaging to me than to him, I realized it would be far more satisfying to sit back and let him screw things up himself, which he is guaranteed to do, if he hasn't already. If I had blown his cover, not only would he have retaliated, he would have blamed me for all his problems. This way, whatever happens or doesn't in his life will be a direct result of his behavior and I'm completely out of it. One of the final things I said to him (there were so many 'final' words), was that he would ruin his next relationship too, just like he did all of them. Of course, he already knew that, but it pissed him off nonetheless that *I* knew it. He did everything he could to try and make it all my fault and make me feel feel completely worthless and inadequate. It worked too..... for a little while.
     
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  3. Wakeup

    Wakeup Inactive Inactive

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    Yes, exactly, Smitten Kitten, thanks for pointing out the backlash element. They WILL retaliate. To go directly against them is to experience a full blast of their toxic nastiness while one is still reeling from them.

    Better to use what's left of our energy to heal ourselves and to find out what weaknesses in us provided the place they could hook us at. Strange as it may sound, Ps have been my greatest teachers because they've shown me many of my blind spots.
     
  4. SMI72

    SMI72 Member

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    "Strange as it may sound, Ps have been my greatest teachers because they've shown me many of my blind spots."

    I couldn't agree with you more, Wakeup.
     
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  5. Sue Ellen

    Sue Ellen Member

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    For me living well is the best revenge. Despite P's attempts to break me down he doesn't know all he did was give me a crash course in manipulation. Now I know the the tools he(and other aggressive people) are using against me and I know how to fight back.(whereas before I thought their intentions were more pure). I'm not talking about fighting back against the Ps or Ps in general (I just ignore them). I'm just talking about recognizing when someone is trying to manipulate you and not taking the bait. That was the gift the P experience gave me.
     
  6. Gnurk

    Gnurk Member

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    Before there was the Internet, the BBC had a service for expats living abroad. For a fee, you could get on VHS cassette the news, weather, and a feature film. I bought the trial version to see what it contained. Well, there was this really great drama, a revenge drama. I just went to look for it, and I've lost it.

    Anyhow, the plot is about a divorced husband and wife. He's a building engineer, and she's a stay at home woman. She meets up with Mr. Charm School, and they get with the program. After he does the usual Prince Charming business, his real side comes out—a drunk with a violent streak. She throws him out, so he starts stalking her, pounding on the doors and windows, the police come, but he's relentless. Then she tells ex-hubby because they are on good terms, and now he's worried about this guy. He tells his boss about the thug, and his boss tells him, “I can take care of it for you, if you want,” but doesn't say what “taking care of it” means. After a few more cases of terrorism from the thug, hubby tells the boss to go for it.

    The next scene is three giant guys with the mafia arrive and drag him out of his house and into the usual black sedan. They go for a drive in the country. As they are driving, you can see through the back window that the really huge guy has twisted his neck beyond the natural threshold, to put it lightly. The next scene shows a cement truck finishing off a load of concrete in a hole. Game over.

    A fantasy is sometimes all that's needed to bridge the distance between here and where we are navigating toward. If someone in the U.K. knows of the name of that film, it might be available, but for me, it was carried away with the wind that crosses the Lethe.
     
  7. mcflairish

    mcflairish Member

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    There was a time when my P-mother was triangulating with my P-SIL against me very intensely. I used a daily visualization of being surrounded by a shield of mirrors that faced outwards with the intention of mirroring back all the negative energy they sent my way. After one week of this my brother called to tell me our mother had breast cancer and my SIL who was pregnant, lost the fetus at 6 months. The weird thing was that my mother hated everything in me that was female (the breast represents female) and my SIL had bragged to me that she was on her 3rd child when she knew I couldn't have another one. K A R M A ! ! !
     
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  8. willow (Trooper3)

    willow (Trooper3) Inactive

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    This is a hard subject, but Ive learned if you leave em alone they will take care of it for you. The law of nature will, so to speak even though it gets hard to believe sometimes when they make a point to act all happy with someone else in front of your face. I know though that they do this on purpose since their image is everything and none of what they are trying to show you has anything to do with the truth. They are liars. It's almost as if they are trying to get revenge on you for something they did. It's wierd.
     
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  9. Victoria
    Fine

    Victoria Administrator

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    It's almost as if they are trying to get revenge on you for something they did.

    Isn't that the truth! They are so twisted, down to the last act.
     
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  10. willow (Trooper3)

    willow (Trooper3) Inactive

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    Yep!..............
     
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