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Can you win with a psychopath?

Discussion in 'Relationship Abuse Recovery' started by peru, Dec 1, 2011.

  1. peru

    peru Administrator

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    The simplest answer is: you can’t. The psychopathic bond is essentially a losing cause for the victim. There’s no question you will lose for as long as you stay involved with a psychopath: the only question is how much. Chances are that the longer you stay with him, the more you will lose. Furthermore, even after the breakup, you won’t win for as long as you perceive winning as relational to a psychopath and his standards.

    Here’s why: You can’t win by seeing him lose, because psychopaths aren’t ashamed of their failures. They boast and dominate others even when caught for their crimes and in jail. You can’t win by seeing the psychopath regret what he did to hurt you and others because psychopaths lack a conscience. They gloat about their wrongdoings and take trophies to relive the pleasure.

    You can’t win by persuading the psychopath that he’s a psychopath, since to him this will only mean that he’s more Machiavellian, intelligent, manipulative and dominant than you and others. Whatever normal people perceive as horrible character flaws—pathological lying, manipulation, a quest for dominance, narcissism and sadistic tendencies—a psychopath perceives as being human qualities that he excels at, which only make him (in his own eyes) superior to others.

    For psychopaths winning means playing games with others, assuming fraudulent roles, and putting others down or slandering them (the psychopath’s smear campaign) in order to maintain dominance. They are narcissistic in that they need admirers, followers and people to worship them in order to feel like they exist. However, they use and put down even their followers, in order to play games at their expense. Psychopaths and malignant narcissists respect no one but themselves and love no one but themselves. They’d rather waste their lives playing games indented to make others lose than accomplish anything constructive with their lives.


    Obviously, you can’t win by playing the psychopath’s silly power games. You also can’t win by asking for or depending upon his approval. Keep in mind that he’s a completely worthless human being: a fraud masquerading human qualities. Consequently, showing him how true your love was, how loyal you were, how much you’ve done for him and what he has destroyed will accomplish nothing except reinforce the dominance bond over you. He latched on to you because of these qualities and destruction was his main goal. He will feel great that he was able to get you to love him so deeply. It means that the dupery worked: score!

    For as long as you maintain the psychopath and his deviant standards as a frame of reference you can only lose. Psychopaths view life and human relationships as a strategy game. For as long as you do as well, you are just one more game piece for a severely disordered individual.

    You can only win after you sever the psychopathic bond. You will win by moving on, loving again, accomplishing your professional and personal goals and being caring to those who truly care about you. Living well (which means a life free of the psychopath) is the best revenge.
    Claudia moscovici

    xx
     
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2011
  2. Fluffy

    Fluffy Inactive Inactive

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    Just quit myjob today to get away from one. :) unemployment yay :( lol
     
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  3. Ailsa

    Ailsa Member

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    Very good article.I agree with Dawn to refer to the original source to avoid confusion.
     
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  4. Gerry

    Gerry New Member

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    One of the ways that I think of a psychopath is that he or she is a spiritual black hole.
    You can gain absolutely nothing by pouring away your energy, warmth and light into a totally destructive system which will only drain you while it grows. Furthermore, it will never radiate anything positive in return. Why bother?
    It would just be a complete waste of your vital forces. Better to focus them in a totally different direction. :)
     
  5. Gerry

    Gerry New Member

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    Good luck, Fluffy. You've done the right thing. I hope the rest falls into place soon.
     
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  6. peru

    peru Administrator

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    Fluffy another job will turn up , you did the right thing , your spritual wellbeing is more important than a job . very brave , well done .. xx
     
  7. Fluffy

    Fluffy Inactive Inactive

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    Thanks guys :)
     
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  8. Bonnie

    Bonnie Member

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    Sorry to hear that, Fluffy. You've got to do what you have to to protect yourself. Sending good vibes!
     
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  9. Bonnie

    Bonnie Member

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    That's an awesome image. I'm going to picture them that way when I have to deal with them to help keep me from forgetting!
     
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