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Thread: How long does the obsession last?

  1. #1

    How long does the obsession last?

    I had a very brief time in person with this man. I did spend a lot of time online and on the phone with him and I did have a lot of feelings for him somehow. I can't get him out of my mind. I am in therapy, on meds, joined a women's group, started running again, got a puppy, volunteered for extra work and I STILL wake up thinking of him. I know he's horrible and I was a joke to him, so why is he in my mind? I'm trying to understand it all and be a decent wife, I have a great husband who should be my first thought in the morning. I don't know how someone I barely knew has become such a major part of my thoughts. Does it get any better? I don't think I can continue this much longer, my guilt is eating at me and the feeling of rejection just makes me feel gutted. Please tell me it gets better. Please tell me that he won't always get to be in my mind. Please help me to stop obsessing. I don't know how you guys coming off a long relationship do it. I literally feel crazy and hopeless right now. Thanks for listening.

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  3. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2012

    Ontario, Canada
    510 times

    Please be gentle with yourself sweet soul. I was once where you are and I highly commend you on running and the puppy. These things will get you off the meds sooner. Meds are great as a short term solution. Please believe me when I tell you it WILL get better for you. How long is determined by how long YOU need to spend analyzing things in your head. Sometimes it takes a while for the head and heart to sync.

    Please don't place more stress on yourself just because you've realized in your HEAD he is a monster, that this means that you should be over him pronto. It doesn't work that way. You need time to grieve this. No one can tell you when. It is different for us all but I promise you it WILL happen.

    There are days I still think about mine but they are less and less and when I do they aren't filled with that gut wrenching nostalgia any longer. Now it's just a very valuable, life profitable experience I believe I HAD to go through.

    Please hang in there. I'm pulling for you xoxo
    Last edited by Daisy13; 04-19-2012 at 07:14 PM.

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    NC Time
    61 Months

    71,172 times
    I feel for you! It's true torture.

    It took me months to stop thinking of him every second, including the exact second I'd wake up. I never thought I'd get past that phase, but I did. The memories did taper off, and sometimes I'd suddenly realize I hadn't thought about him in a while. The neverending pain has subsided. There is an end to it!

    I think some of the obsession for me, and possibly you, is the lack of closure probably literally in the brain. I relate it to the experience of how my mind feels when I forget something, maybe somebody's name for example. The unsolved question will be nagging on my mind somewhere until I find the answer; like, "Oh, her name was Mary!" Then my brain will relax and let go of that irritation. Well, I think it's similar with the experience with a psychopath. The brain is waiting for that relief, and it doesn't come. So I think it just takes a long time for the brain to rewire itself to some satisfaction, and then you can let go of it. Of course it's more complicated than that, but I think it literally is also a physical thing somehow.

    As Daisy13 suggests, please be gentle with yourself. It's not your fault that he messed with your mind. Just give it time, and you will be relieved of the ugly stress of it all.

    You will move on.
    Last edited by Victoria; 04-19-2012 at 07:42 PM.

  5. #4
    Thank you so much for your kind words. It's such a comfort to think I may not always feel like this. So unfair, I was in a terrible mental state when he found me and I opened my heart to him. Now I'm left feeling this way while he's on to the next one. I really hope it gets better, I can't keep pretending I'm okay to try to preserve my marriage. It's not fair to my sweet husband. I'm still shaking my head that I even got into this situation.

  6. #5
    Thanks Victoria, you always have the nicest things to say. I'm still heavily into the blaming myself and wondering how I could be so stupid and risky. It helps to think that this is what he does...all I did was trust someone I shouldn't have. I guess I'd rather be sensitive and open and get hurt than be an unemotional robot who hurts people. At least that sounds like what I should think. Right now I'd love to turn off the over analyzing and the emotions.

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    NC Time
    71 Months

    9,960 times
    Its easy to mistake obsessive thoughts for love but actually they are a very natural reaction to trauma and nothing to do with romance . Your brain is trying to make sense of the sensless and that takes a little while to calm down and stop , its the way the brain heals its self and the only cure for it is to let the thoughts flow , there is no point trying to stop them untill they are ready to stop and YES it can drive you nuts ! Long after a normal break up feelings would subside we are still left with this feeling of obsession , the thoughts do go in time , one morning you will wake up and it wont be the first thing you think of and that is a day you remember as a mile stone . and in a few months there might be a whole hour or morning and he hasnt crossed your mind . The truth is you will get over this but you just have to re ajust your expectations for the time frame . Its not a normal break up , the pain and symptoms are unique to a psychopathic relationship and as such the recovery does take longer . Finding an outlet is very important , running and a puppy is wonderful . I can tell you that im way over 2 years NC and i have no obsessive thoughts and like all the people who has had trauma when i was in the middle of post traumtic stress i thought it would never end . You dont get up one morning and are healed , that isnt the way it works but week by week month by month there small improvments untill you get to the point of "psychopath who ?" hold on in there , it wont be as bad as this always . xx

  8. #7
    My obsessive thoughts about him have changed into obsessive thoughts about the whole PP issue.
    I am SO GLAD that HE is no longer my obsession ( I nearly committed suicide last year because of him )
    I am actually bored indeed. He has no variation in his deeds and ways, you know?
    I am seeing him at my workplace once a week, and there is a thick wall of glass because i now KNOW
    what he really is.
    What is he doing, what is he planning....? YAWN...I am tired of this creepy horrors that wake you up at night.
    Really, and I would never ever thought that it could be that way. Same time last year I was a wreck.
    Last year at this time I heard about Psychopathy the first time and the healing began.
    So, please hang on. It WILL become better and better with every week. READ as much as you can get into your bookshelv about PPs.
    That's the best remedy!
    God bless.

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