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Thread: Acting like nothing happened.

  1. #1
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            Tired

    Acting like nothing happened.

    I have to say I find this whole acting like nothing went on/nothing happened between us truly mind boggling. Anyone else have this experience after a break up or period of ST??




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  3. #2
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            Balanced
    I have to say I find this whole acting like nothing went on/nothing happened between us truly mind boggling. Anyone else have this experience after a break up or period of ST??
    My guess is probably everyone on here experienced it. The ST was horrible. It was used to put me in my place and it worked, to an extent. He'd go back to the "sweet" cycle, and pretend like everything was okay, but I wasn't okay. Not really, I knew that what I was experiencing wasn't good. I realized on some level that he was ready to discard me and not look back, although I didn't want to believe it. I wasn't ready to believe it. So I made excuses for him and rationalized it. But I didn't know about personality disorders or emotional abuse. I just knew I was in trouble, I'll put it that way. BIG trouble and headed for a BIG fall. Then when the discard came, it was right around Christmas. I was DEVASTATED. Like a walking zombie. I had heard through the grapevine he had a New Year's Eve party. I remember thinking, "Wow. Why am I heartbroken and a total mess and he's having a party??"

    Yep, truly mind boggling it was!!



  4. #3
    Yes!! Every single time. And there have been some serious discarding where I never expected to hear a word but then he's at my door or a i get a text wondering if I feel like watching a movie or something. It blows my mind.

    This is startling to me.. I can't believe how alike these guys are and it makes me feel equally validated as well as very sad to know that what I now know about them (him) is really real.
    Last edited by Lighthouse; 09-13-2013 at 09:01 PM.



  5. #4
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    P here in an expert at cutting me to the bone when I least expect it, then acting like nothing has happened.
    Hows this for unbelievably crazy as well as cruel.
    Were happily discussing a holiday together in another country. All plans were going well until I mentioned we could catch up with the grandies and have our first family Christmas together.
    Ps face suddenly went from happy to enraged and snarled right into my face that they WERNT his grandchildren!!!
    WTF!
    P had already met 2 of them on a earlier trip to their home and had put on a very good show of being the devoted Grand dad.!
    I was beyond words!
    Finally I asked him to explain what the hell he meant and he finally said he never got to know their father ( his step son).
    The P lived in the same house as step son for 13 years , all of us going about our FAMILY business or so I thought!
    Although Ps input was limited and he certainly didnt like his step son or treat him very well, there can be no doubt P was obviously 'living' in another world for most of the marriage if he believes what he says!
    Months later, I went alone on my trip in the end because P refused to talk about it!!
    When I got back from my visit, I brought the painful subject up because i wanted closure and to move on in the relationship. P was still silent and behaving like a child.
    P snarled at me,
    ' Are you STILL going on about that!
    Well yes because nothing was ever sorted out no apology nothing and many months had now gone by!!
    Saddest thing was I had to tell son what had transpired because I was so miserable while at his home and yep, P was furious I had said anything!
    So it was Ok for the P to be nasty as hell to me over my son , but not ok for me to tell my son why his step father had refused to come on holiday and basically ruined it for me!
    So are they clinically insane or just total arseholes!
    Last edited by daphne; 09-14-2013 at 02:21 AM.
    SOS
    ​Save Own Soul



  6. #5
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    When i ended up in hospital with a suicide attempt, due to being confused, paranoid severely low, depressed and felt like i was crazy, this was due to being in a P relationshit, ( didnt know then) P went on his merry way, discarded me while i was in there on a drip for near three days, did not even tell me he had left me. This was done through the silent treatment, whch lasted for around two months after coming out of the hospital, then the vile bating texts started. I ended up contacting him, because i could not emotionally take it, any longer, including people telling me p was calling me a whore over fb and he was glad to be shot of me. I ended up contacting him, met up, he carried on like nothing had ever happened and infact, when i asked him why he was sending me harassing vile texts like telling me to die and slandering. It was my fault all i had to do was contact or answer him. Never even asked me how i was and the reason why i tryed to end my life. But made it clear if it was him in hospital, he would expect me to be there for him. WTF!!! shocking!!!! and mind bending, nothing made sense. I ended back with P around late October and kindly dumped him by the feb over the phone, was the bloody strangest conversation i have had, even know can not work it out, but i do believe P wanted me to dump him. Was as if the conversation of splitting up did not take place, he acted completely non phased and just said "I dont hate you" could never work that statement out, was not as if i even told him what i thought of him or anything, there were no harsh words, i just said i don't see a future for us, that was it and P said bye, bye, like nothing was even said. SinCe that day he has seen me many times and its just like he never knew me let alone had a relationship with me for two years. Yes they are mind bending, and if you mention, anything about there behavior, like i did, when P put his fingers up to me, all i got was "I don't recall that" and just carry on like nothing happened. Any long exposure to these toxic creatures will and can destroy your mind and soul



  7. #6
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    It is mind boggling how they can just carry on as normal (normal for a psychopath that is ) I think its because they dont have an emotional response at the time of a fight or incidence .. its like 7 year olds in a play ground where they fall out and make up in a space of 5 minutes , its normal; for 7 year olds to do this but it isnt normal for a grown person to do it , it can leave your head spinning . It also has to do with minimizing their abuse , if they act like nothing happened they can create an environment where you are the crazy one for thinking it was a big deal , nasty little trick xx



  8. #7
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    They live for that shit. The p-hole told me 1 week after I finally caught him having an affair (mind you this because he didn't want to discuss it until then) that he doubted our compatibility. My reaction was was normal with you are just coming up with this now? Followed by floods of tears for 2 days straight. I went to the pub that night because I needed a stiff drink and my BFF is the landlady. He came in sometime later and was being all lovey dovey like he was the most attentive partner in the world. I on the other hand was not so reciprocal. So who looked like the crazy one? Then in the days that followed, mostly ST at home, so I would go to the pub at night just to get some human conversation and interaction. Then it was from him, I'm worried you're drinking too much. Well WTF? What the hell am I suppose to do? I'm fucking isolated in a foreign country with no family and only a couple of close friends, the writing is on the wall, my marriage is ending, you won't go to counseling, how the hell am I suppose to deal? I am dead inside, I can't even find the will to knit anymore.
    Fast forward a couple of weeks, and he starts getting mad at me because I don't want to hang by his side at social functions, I don't want to pretend everything is okay, because it wasn't. I was no longer interested in keep up appearances. This brought a whole new level of shit storms for me in private. I was accepting that we were no longer a couple, he on the other hand was practising the philosophy of I'll just pretend everything is normal and okay. I asked him to buy me a plane ticket to Texas because I wanted to spend my 40th birthday where I was loved and happy. This set the ball in motion for our split. I was planing on just getting out and not going back to the UK. He on the other hand decided it would be best if we just split. Mind you, this like 2 weeks before our 1st anniversary, but he didn't want to tell ANYONE, his words, he wanted to pretend that I was just going for a visit. Are you fucking serious? Hell no, I want to say goodbye to the few friends I had made. I would not let him take that from me. The sad thing is in the beginning I complied, with the exception of my BFF. Then he took down our relationship status and all our photos together on Facebook. All bets were off after that.
    This wasn't suppose to be this long, but bottom line they like to pretend, they are all about appearances.

    God I'm really angry right now!



  9. #8
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            Balanced
    That's the crux of the whole matter. When we have uncovered "whatever" and subsequently react and are emotionally distaught they then try to cover it all up and also use that little trick of, "hey, look at me, I'm cool, calm and ok, you're the one with the problem because you are angry and ranting like a mad woman". What other people don't see is what transpired beforehand to get us that way - they only ever see the aftermath!

    It's all secrets, lies, smoke and mirrors with Ps and they absolutely love it that way - it's what makes them tick!
    Your spirit can only be broken if you allow it to be. By drawing on all your strengths, mental, physical and emotional, you will find a way to keep your spirit alive with hope and conquer any challenges you face.



  10. #9
    @LuckyLaura - "he starts getting mad at me because I don't want to hang by his side at social functions, I don't want to pretend everything is okay, because it wasn't. I was no longer interested in keep up appearances. This brought a whole new level of shit storms for me in private. I was accepting that we were no longer a couple, he on the other hand was practising the philosophy of I'll just pretend everything is normal and okay."

    OMG! I can sooo relate...this is exactly what xP had been doing. He claims he is so hurt that our relationship isn't working out, yet has no problems in partying and wanting me to be by his side pretending everything is normal and okay. I told him I can't do it anymore. Everytime I reject him, *I'm* the one that doesn't love him and doesn't care. Ugh!
    2 Likes: Karma, LuckyLaura




  11. #10
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    OMG! I can sooo relate...this is exactly what xP had been doing. He claims he is so hurt that our relationship isn't working out, yet has no problems in partying and wanting me to be by his side pretending everything is normal and okay. I told him I can't do it anymore. Everytime I reject him, *I'm* the one that doesn't love him and doesn't care. Ugh!
    @Brit68 of course you are the one that doesn't love and care for him because it can't be his fault. When they tell you that hey feel hurt, it's all a load of BS, because they are incapable of feeling anything. They know that they are suppose to feel bad, so they tell us that. Of course my own philosophy is that it is them mirroring us as well. We genuinely feel bad/hurt that our relationship is not working out and they are simply mirroring our pain.

    It was so weird because he was insistent that we don't tell anyone because he didn't want to lose that premise, but I also think that A) he was planning on telling everyone that I just up and left him, and B) we were involved in the swinging scene (that's a whole separate thread) and quite frankly single guys are not very welcome. Granted at this point I had withdrawn from the scene, but as long as I was still around then he (the master of omission) was still golden. But he was the one who did the sly notifying with such douchey things as not telling me and pulling all out photos and relationship status from Facebook, having Skype dates with his skank in South Africa, whilst telling me I was running out of time on packing. Fucker I really am finding a whole new level of hate for him.

    The level they can pretend that nothing is wrong still has me shaking my head. Hugs to you @Brit68 stay strong
    1 Like: Karma




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