Moments In Time

We talk a lot about the horrible, abusive, heinous acts the psychopaths commit, and that's exactly what we need to do for quite some time after the devalue & discard. I found that I needed to keep running those things through my head to help me deal with the cognitive dissonance, to try and convince myself that he was not the perfect partner I had believed him to be. That belief was the hardest thing I've ever had to let go of.

Why did I believe he was the perfect partner? Because of the perfect moments. We've all had them. They come unexpectedly when you're not doing anything special. You may be shopping together or sharing a meal. Or you may be in the car, on the way to do something that you're both excited about. And suddenly you feel it. That feeling that all is right with the world, that where you are is where you want to be for the rest of your life.

Of course I never got to stay there for long. He had an uncanny ability for knowing when I was as high on that mountain as I was ever going to be, and he took great pleasure in shoving me off of it. It was usually with a sudden, unexplained silent treatment full of arrogance and contempt. Sometimes it was just a backhanded comment that made me feel like I was just a casual acquaintance and really of no importance to him.

After 14 months, the awful things he said and did no longer have the power to upset me. It's the perfect moments that haunt me. And aren't those moments the ultimate deception?