This topic comes from the Psychopath Free book, which is available on Amazon!
During and after the relationship, you’re a victim of abuse. You were manipulated, insulted, degraded, belittled, and neglected. Full responsibility for this goes to the psychopath. It does not matter if you were vulnerable or insecure—no decent human being should ever take advantage of another. None of that was your fault.
But there comes a point where must begin to hold yourself accountable. This generally occurs once you’ve educated yourself, learned the signs, and validated your experience—after you’ve found a comfortable landing spot from the stages of grief. When you get to this point, you should be disgusted by the psychopath’s behavior and have no desire to see or hear from them again.
You cannot continue to question yourself, fantasizing about returning to them and seeking validation for self-destructive decisions. The book and the PsychopathFree forum are not crutches—they are stepping stones. Sooner or later, all survivors must learn to make decisions on their own, without seeking the opinions of everyone around them. Better life choices can only truly come from within, and you will know when you’re making them because your intuition & self-respect will skyrocket. You certainly won’t need to seek any external approval.
Introspection is a great way to look within and discover why you’re looking for this approval in the first place. It could be rooted in your childhood, past friendships, the psychopathic relationship—or any combination of the above. In order to better understand how all of this came to be, you can look back on the relationship and examine the toxic dynamic that formed. The psychopath’s mirroring techniques are actually an incredible, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to take a look at your own demons.
It’s time to start asking questions. Why did this happen? What are your vulnerabilities? Of course these vulnerabilities aren’t your fault, but it is important to understand how you were able to be exploited in the first place. This will help you to further deconstruct the bond with them, and protect yourself from any future emotional abuse.
This experience is all about cultivating a healthy self-esteem that comes from within, not from any sort of external validation. We all have insecurities and vanities—many of which we’re probably not aware of. True self-discovery comes from practicing introspection and becoming aware of those characteristics.
This part is really up to you, but here are some of the most common answers for survivors: looks, humor, money, career, an unfulfilling marriage, need for attention, need to be appreciated, fear of being alone…
Look at your relationship with the psychopath. They regurgitated these insecurities for you. Whatever you needed most, they validated and provided. Pay special attention to the things they obsessively flattered. These are what you’re looking for.
So what are your insecurities? Get out a piece of paper and make a list. This will save your life down the road. Once you’re aware of these traits, you will also become aware of the people who try to manipulate them. And even better, you can begin to make changes—to better yourself and improve your life. For example, why should you need someone else to tell you you’re attractive in order to feel it in your heart?
Those who have conquered their demons will be completely useless to a psychopath. You won’t be susceptible to the psychopath’s grooming if you do not require validation, but instead simply enjoy a compliment every now and then. Psychopaths feed on unhealthy needs, not everyday kindness. With time, you will find yourself less and less attracted to those who excessively flatter and praise you.
Keep in mind, there is another kind of vulnerability: the good kind. Your dreams—sexual fantasies, life goals, romantic endeavors, perhaps raising a family… These are all beautiful, good vulnerabilities that make you human. Do not let the psychopathic experience change these things. Next to your list of insecurities, make a list of your dreams. You must never mistake your passions for flaws. And likewise, your empathetic nature is not a weakness—although the psychopath certainly makes you question that.
I've written a new book about long-term healing. Whole Again is now published! If you would like to be notified about future books, you can enter your email address below. This is not a mailing list. Just a one-time notification:
Why Were You Targeted?
Those who have conquered their demons will be completely useless to a psychopath. You won’t be susceptible to grooming if you do not require validation.
Article Author: Peace