When Empathetic People Self-Destruct

I believe that most empathetic people have a "self-destruct" mode. This often happens when all of our efforts finally come crashing down, and we realize that no matter how hard we tried, it was never enough. Once we hit the self-destruct button, we go through a few phases:

1) Overdrive

Desperately trying to empathize with everything and everyone around us. Reaching out to new people, attempting to give them exactly what we think they might need, and hoping for love & appreciation in return. Spending inordinate amounts of time & energy on people in need. During this period, we might find ourselves agreeing with things we don't truly agree with, and making a lot of connections with people that we will later regret. We are on a mission to prove that empathy can improve any situation or person.

2) Anger

Denying the fact that we've surrounded ourselves with people who are insatiable. Realizing that none of our efforts are working. Becoming furious and declaring war against our past self - against everything we once stood for. No more Mr. Nice Guy/Gal. No more doormat. We over-compensate by becoming somewhat abrasive, and often lose friends in the process.

3) Loneliness

In every dreamer's journey, there is going to be a long period of quiet & solitude. This is uncomfortable at first, especially after we have become accustomed to seeking the approval of others to feel a sense of self-worth. But eventually, this alone time actually becomes quite pleasant. Without so much external feedback, we finally have a chance to focus on some pressing internal struggles. With no one's judgments but our own, we have this great opportunity to discover who we truly are. This alone time is when we begin to rebuild our identities from scratch, after being wiped out by whatever darkness we encountered.

4) Balance

Discovering that there is a healthy equilibrium somewhere across 1, 2, and 3. We do not need to empathize with everyone around us. That is something to be saved for people we trust & care about - people who are capable of reciprocating it. We also do not need to put on a tough persona in order to avoid being a doormat. We can demonstrate our self-respect simply by living it. And finally, we do not need to shut ourselves out from the world to avoid being hurt. There are so many good people out there, and once we have properly self-destructed, we will be ready to take part in this magical world again.

With a healthy balance, our qualities become gifts that will stay with us for as long as we live. Some of us have spent years, even decades, without hitting the self-destruct button. At first, it feels very volatile and upsetting. But ultimately, empathetic people need to go through this journey. This is how we begin to form boundaries, and it's how we learn to love the world again - this time with a little wisdom to go along with our wonder.

Check out the Psychopath Free book, which is all about learning to take pride in your best qualities: http://book.psychopathfree.com

I've written a new book about long-term healing. Whole Again is now published! If you would like to be notified about future books, you can enter your email address below. This is not a mailing list. Just a one-time notification: