At the close of a psychopathic relationship, the survivor is left in mind numbing pain and a low self worth. During the relationship, boundaries were destroyed and our identities were reduced so much that we hardly recognized ourselves. The lines were so blurred from projection, triangulations, love bombing, pathological lying, cognitive dissonance, chaos and confusion. It takes time to work through the grief and identify the emotions that are the result.
All too often, we are left with the loss of who we are. We are not the same and do not know where to start. A good beginning is self care, and it is more than brushing teeth. Psychopaths love to take what you give until there is nothing left. It is a struggle to find the small part of the person, just a smidgen of the person who once was, and now forever changed.
So what does self care really mean?
Psychopaths push the personal limits of those they abuse. They have no thought or care for the person whom they have love bombed, it is all about what they want. When the survivor does not set personal limits, then the lines get blurred and we lose self respect. The psychopath has no conscience, so the survivor must identify a limit to the activity which brings potential harm. If you go out together to a restaurant, and he flirts with the waitress, he disrespects you and himself by crushing the boundaries and making you feel alright about it. “It was harmless,” he smiles with a soul stirring charm…”I don’t love her, I love you.” He makes it sound just fine when it is really not. You see, the psychopath does know that your self-respect has been harmed, and then he moves in to blur the boundaries even further.
They insult your intelligence by gaslighting and making you think you are crazy. After the relationship, you struggle with the cognitive dissonance and reconciling your anger plus other emotions. In certain future situations, take a few moments to think actually how you feel. Are you frustrated with the next door neighbor’s dog who continues to bark although you have asked them to restrain the noise? Once you have identified how you feel, only then can you work to structure a boundary. You have asked them once to quiet the dog, and the situation has not improved. Respect yourself by going to talk to the neighbors again in a nice way. You are respecting yourself by understanding your emotion tied to the event. If the situation persists, think of another way to get around those who disrespect you. Think in solutions, and don’t dwell on the problems. When you think of the solutions, your mind will positively identify the answer in the subconscious and create positive energy.
“Creating Your Own Personal Space”
Your character is assassinated and personal space is invaded when you are hoovered and other people become involved without your knowledge. They know your fears, your strengths and your weaknesses. They infringe on your privacy by gossip, slander, and vilify you behind your back. Without knowing or understanding, your space has been violated and damaged. How do you regain the sanctuary of your heart and soul, which has been broken?
The sanctuary of your heart and mind is through the process of identifying how you are feeling and honoring yourself. The psychopath did not have the capability to honor you, and manufactured a lie so that you could not even cope with his manipulations. After he has invaded the safest place in your heart, picking up the pieces is not so easy. If you enjoy roses and baths with candles, make time each day to enjoy those. Create your own sanctuary and honor your heart’s desire. If you don’t create for yourself your heart’s desire, then no one will. Honor your own personal space and create the life you have always wanted. Repaint your bathroom, buy new pillows for the couch and make your living space unrecognizable before the psychopath. Honoring yourself creates self respect.
Everyone who has survived a psychopathic relationship in the early stages will have raw emotions, but as time progresses, the need for self protection becomes evident. The boundary you have erected to stay safe will be keeping distance from those who mean you personal harm, and learning to trust the inner voice. This intuition is built in and the rawness of the pain will bring a new awareness of what causes pain, and what brings joy. Taking the time to ensure your own self protection will bring a new self respect because you are honoring your emotions and inner self to not go back to revisit. If you don’t feel comfortable with the guy who lives down the street who asks to carry in your groceries, don’t allow him. To do so would go against your natural need to protect yourself from potential harm.
“The Right to Say No”
The psychopath created a feeling within that you must go along with his subtle manipulations. In fact, you did not know you were being manipulated until it was all over and you are left in great pain. You didn’t realize you had a choice because you were bullied to believe you have no right. They are always right and you are always wrong. They don’t want you to say no, they want you to say yes so that they may have their selfish, grandiose plans in action. They want results and don’t want you to have a choice. Well, you do have choices and it is a spiritual law that each of us have that right. Exercise the right to say “no” when you feel a particular situation is wrong. Don’t give in, listen to your inner voice, and choose to respect your own right to decisions of No.
5 Boundaries for Survivors of a Psychopathic Relationship
During the relationship, boundaries were destroyed and our identities were reduced so much that we hardly recognized ourselves. The lines were so blurred.
Article Author: Barberable